I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
