I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
did i just pee glitter
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