omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
