I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
