Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
