its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
