yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
