I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
