you told grandpa to call you daddy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
