i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
