Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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