My sheets look like a crime scene.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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