You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
