Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize