the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
