its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
