It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
