the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
