My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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