ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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