He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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