i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
