i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
