is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
