You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
