By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
