How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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