i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
