well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
