i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
