I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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