I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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