Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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