$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
