First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
