booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
