pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize