Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
