Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
