She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
