he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
