Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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