What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
