I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
