Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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