I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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