I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
