I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
