Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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