I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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