One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
