:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
