All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
