You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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