I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
