If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
