direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
