At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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