I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
