I am puke
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
