You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
