We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
