She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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