i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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