is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
