Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
