I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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