Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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