we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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