She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
