Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
