I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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