For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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