It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
