capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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