we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
