Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
