To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
