His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
