if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
