dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
